Mary Sue Askew
by galindapopular
Summary: A new girl comes to Leonardo and wins the heart of our beloved Jay, but this is a Mary Sue, so it can never be that simple.
1. A New Girl in Town

**Author's Note: Ok, so I browsed this section tonight and I noticed a lack of an important genre of fanfiction...The ever present Mary Sue fic...there's plenty of slash, but none of this soooo...here it is. As Mary Sues are often young, so I figure this fic is set some time pre Clerks. **

**Summary: This fic will cover your basic Mary Sue plot. New and mysterious beautiful new girl comes to town, and meets a key character, in this case Jay. They fall in love in a ridiculously short period of time, 15 minutes or so, and then proceed to have an exceedingly agnsty relationship. It'll be fun, if you hate Mary Sue fics, you may enjoy this as I have a love/hate relationship with them and this will reflect that.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Jay or Silent Bob. I do own Lizzie Connolly...although not really since she's kind of just a standard Mary Sue, which means she cannot be owned. **

**Mary Sue Aksew: **

**Chapter 1: A new Girl in Town  
**

Lizzie Connolly sighed as she walked down the street in Leonardo, New Jersey. She looked around. Was there nothing in this arm pit she was now living in? The fifteen year old wondered how it was possible that she was ending up here. 

"Shit Silent Bob, there's nothing to do around here." Jay stood his back up against the wall between the Quick Stop and RST Video. "I mean nothing. No one's buying, and no bitches coming our way either." Silent Bob gestured with his hand and shrugged to show that he had no ideas. "I guess we could hit the fucking mall again. There'll probably be some fine pussy there." Again, Silent Bob shrugged and the pair started walking down the street.

Lizzie wandered aimlessly, her grandma had warned her about getting lost, but she figured that if she could find her way around New York City she would be OK in Leondardo. She found her way to a street that looked like it might be inhabited.

"Fucking faggot town, nothing happening." Jay mumbled under his breath. Silent Bob rolled his eyes, and then stopped and pointed at the girl walking towards them. "Shit, that's one fine looking chick Lunchbox. Never seen her before, wonder who she is." As they walked closer he was stopped in his track by how beautiful she was.

Lizzie had sparkling blue eyes that captivated any one who looked into them. She had long chestnut brown hair that fell down in her back in soft ringlet curls. She was slender, but not skinny, and had a perfect C cup, which is what, to be honest, captivated Jay more than her eyes at that point. She was wearing a blue tank top that complimented her eyes and a pair of straight legged black jeans. She was a perfect picture of New York sophistication, totally out of place in her small town surroundings. As she approached the two guys walking towards her, she looked them up and down and analyzed them. The chubby one in the trench coat looked friendly, and terribly sweet. The other one, tall, lanky, with long blondish hair, seemed to think he was in charge, but she was pretty sure he was clueless. She decided it wouldn't hurt to introduce herself, when she was finally close enough to them to initiate conversation.

"Hi." She said quietly, "I don't suppose you two would know what a girl who's new around here could do with herself?"

"I've got a couple of ideas!" Jay said, motioning to himself. Lizzie was shocked, not by the proposition, but by his incredible confidence. "I'm Jay, and this is my hetero life mate, Silent Bob." Silent Bob waved.

"Lizzie." She said, realizing there was perhaps more harm in this introduction than she had initially anticipated. "Look, I just moved here from the city, and I'm bored out of my mind. What is there to do, I mean seriously, besides fucking you?" Silent Bob smiled, he liked this girl already.

"What are you smiling at you tubby mother fucker?" Jay hit him, "We mostly just hangs out in front of the Quick Stop. Dealin, makin things hard on the clerks. Then we'll smoke a blunt, get some beers, normal stuff." Lizzie smiled, at last some pot, she had been aching for it since she moved into her grandparent's house.

"Sounds good." She put one arm through each of the guys standing between them "You two mind taking a third around with you?" Both Jay and Bob walked on flabbergasted. They couldn't believe how lucky they were, and that they had found something, or in this case, some one to help occupy their time.

**Review please...perhaps even give suggestions.**


	2. Quick Stop Makeout

**Author's note: Ok, so now we get into the plot.**

**Summary: Ok, so we have our standard Mary Sue in Lizzie, with her sparkling blue eyes and perfect curly (never frizzy ever) hair. Now, she will fall instantly in love with our hero. Also, it will be revealed that she has a tragic past and lots of agnst. And, obviously our hero cannot be the only person who notices how amazing she is...which leads us to more wonderful characters that we love**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Jay, Silent Bob, Dante or Randal. Kevin Smith does.**

**Chapter 2:**

**Quick Stop Makeout**

"What did we tell you two about dealing in front of the store?" A tall older kid in a hockey jersey and a backwards hat walked out of the Video Store and towards the Quick Stop.

"We aren't fucking dealing, you fucking faggot clerk!" Jay exclaimed. Again, Lizzie was over come by Jay's incredible confidence.

"Oh yeah, so what are you doing?" The clerk crossed his arms and stared down Jay. Wow, also strangely confident.

"We're hanging out with our new friend, what the fuck does it look like?" Jay said motioning to Lizzie. "Lizzie this is Randal. He's probably going into the Quick Stop to fucking suck that Dante's dick. Snoogans." Randal rolled his eyes and looked at Lizzie. She smiled at him.

"Whoa," he said looking at her eyes. "Look, you're new so I'll give you the benefit of my experience. Stay away from these two junkies. They will get you no where." Lizzie smiled.

"I think it's too late." She shrugged. "I'm already here."

"Suit yourself." Randal walked into the Quick Stop. He moved behind the counter and stood next to Dante flipping through a magazine. "Did you see that girl hanging out with those two stoners? Man, she is fucking beautiful."

"No, because unlike you, I actually work, don't just go outside and hassle the stoners." Dante said, reminding Randal that they were in fact at work. "Also, I have a girlfriend. By the way I need you to close for me because I have to pick up Caitlin at 8:45."

"What did you mean, you were already here?" Jay said, looking wide eyed at Lizzie.

"What did you think I meant?" She smiled, walked over to him and planted a kiss right on Jay's lips. Before long they were passionately making out. Silent Bob's eyes got wide and he just walked away. This was a new experience, girls really rarely went for Jay.

After about a half an hour of make outs, Lizzie pulled away. "I gotta go." She giggled. "But I'll meet you here tomorrow."

"Um, ok." Jay said, unable to speak. She pulled in and kissed him again.

"See you, Jay." Lizzie walked away. At this point Silent Bob had returned. "Bye, Silent Bob." Bob raised his hand as she walked away.

"Damn Silent Bob, the bitches fucking love the Jay!" Jay said. "Alright, I gots to go. Your mom called last night and said she wanted to see me again! Bong!" Silent Bob shrugged and headed home.

As they two walked away Jay started talking about Lizzie. "Did you notice how pretty her eyes are? And her hair. Not to mention she's got a fucking slammin body. And she totally loves me man. You know something, I think I love her." Then he was quiet. It was the quiet that made Silent Bob realize that maybe Jay really liked this girl.

Lizzie walked into her grandparent's house with a big smile on her face. She was so happy. She couldn't wait to hang out with Jay again. This was the first time she had been this happy, since, well, for a long time.

"Elizabeth?" She heard her grandmother's voice. "Is that you? Where have you been all day?" Lizzie rolled her eyes and walked into the living room, where her grandparents was sitting watching the lottery drawing on Public Access.

"I've been around." Lizzie shrugged.

"Around where?" Her grandpa looked intently at her. Unlike his pleasantly clueless wife, he could tell something more was happening than his daughter let on.

"Just around." She answered snarky in her response. "What do you care any way?"

"Don't talk back to me, young lady!" He said. It had been about two months and still she wouldn't show any kind of respect to him. "As long as you're living here you'll respect our rules, and us!"

"Why? You're not my parents!" She said, and stormed out of the living room and up the stairs to the bed room she had been using. She plopped down on the bed and her anger turned quickly to sadness and she cried into her pillow. She stood up and walked over to her dresser where a picture of her and her parent's on top of the Empire State Building sat. She looked at it and the tears came faster and harder. "Why did you leave me here?" She whispered looking into her parent's eyes in the picture.


	3. Behind the Store

**Author's Note: Sorry this took so long! College is not really good for fanfiction writing. I had two papers due this week so this took a backseat to school work. Anyway, I got a review, which I responded too...but just to clear up, this takes place pre Clerks...I'm thinking like Dante and Randal's senior year...**

**Summary: When we last left our hero and our Mary Sue...they were passionately making out having only breifly knowing each other. Now we will see them make passionate love after only knowing each other a day...other people might end up seeing them too...or another person...who starts to notice things about Mary Sue.**

**Less vague...Lizzie and Jay do it behind the stores and Randal sees. Also, Randal makes some Star Wars references!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...Kevin Smith and George Lucas own all.**

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**Chapter 3: Behind the store.**

The next day Lizzie joined Jay and Silent Bob outside of the Quick Stop. Actually just Silent Bob was outside; Jay and Lizzie were behind making out for most of the time. Inside of the store, Dante was cleaning out the garbage and Randal was following him.

"Do you think that Jabba the Hut had sex with Princess Leia?" Randal asked, his incessant Star Wars questions always annoyed Dante a little.

"I don't know. Maybe." Dante shrugged it off. It was easier to just agree with Randal.

"Maybe! Man, he had her chained up like a slave." Randal, replied all worked up "She was wearing a fucking gold bikini. He must have at least had her jerk him off."

"If you already had an answer, why did you ask me?" Dante shook his head.

"I'm trying to liven up things around here," Randal explained, "It's so fucking dull, nothing ever happens."

"Well, maybe something will happen out by the dumpster." Dante said, shoving the bag of garbage into his friend's arms. "Take this out."

"Man, but that really big bee!" Randal protested. Dante shot him a look that told him he better do, lest he be reported to the boss for slacking off. "Fine! But then you owe me."

"Whatever." Dante said as he headed back behind the counter.

Randal walked out behind the store and saw something he had hoped to never see in his life. He saw well, much more of Jay than he had ever wanted to. Mostly because Jay and Lizzie were right there, having sex behind the Quick Stop. Randal rushed back inside, the garbage still in his hand.

"Dante! You'll never guess what I just saw!" He shouted when he got back in. He noticed Silent Bob was at the counter, buying a pack of cigarettes.

"Randal," Dante sighed, "How many times do I have to tell you, if you don't bother the big bee, it won't bother you."

"No man, this was way worse than the big bee!" Randal shuddered. "I just witnessed that new girl and the little stoner doin it!" Silent Bob's eyes got really big. This was not what he expected. He ran outside.

"Randal," Dante said, "I know you try to get revenge on those guys for, well, basically making our lives a living hell for the past few years, but honestly, the fat one's not that annoying, don't say things to freak him out."

"I'm not fucking kidding man!" Randal said. "They were there just like, totally going for it, it really freaked me out." He was quiet for a minute. "She's too pretty for him."

"What?" Dante responded.

"She's too pretty for him." Randal repeated. "He's just a shiftless lay about stoner. He's not good enough for a girl like that."

"As opposed to who?" Dante laughed. "You? A shiftless lay about clerk?"

"At least I make an honest dollar on my shiftless laying about!" Randal said. "I don't exploit the weakness of teenagers who want to rebel against their parent's middle class morality!"

"Sure you do!" Dante said. "You rent porn to under age kids all the time! Do you have a thing for this girl or something?"

"No!" Randal said. "I just think she could do better is all."

Back out behind the stores Lizzie got dressed and stood up.

"Where you going?" Jay asked her. "I got plenty more in me!" She smiled and laughed.

"I've gotta get home for dinner." She said. "My grandma will freak if I don't make it back in time." She walked over and kissed him. "Thanks, today was great. I'll see you tomorrow." She started to walk away.

"Lizzie!" He said. "Do you think I could, well, take you on like, a real date? Not just fuck behind the stores?"

"I'd like that." She smiled, walked back, took a pen out of her purse and wrote her grandparent's number on his hand. "Give me a call." She kissed him again. When she walked away she saw Silent Bob in front of the stores. He looked at her with a disapproving look. He liked Lizzie, but he was very protective of Jay, and he really didn't know her well enough to know that she wasn't just using his best friend for weed and sex. "I really care about him Bob." She said. "Don't worry." She went up and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled. He was a pretty good judge of character, and he was pretty sure she was sincere. She walked away humming. Silent Bob lit up a cigarette and leaned against the wall. Things were looking pretty good from where he stood.

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**A/N: Well...Methinks Randal doth protest too much! Haha, review please.**


	4. Advice, Admission, Amy, Ahh, Aliteration

**Author's Note: I'm so happy with how this is shaping up you have no idea! Anyway, two chapters in one weekend...I'm pretty proud of myself.**

**Summary: Now the glory of the Mary Sue...her golden moments of perfection. Also the love triangle begins to bloom, and she gets a best friend.**

**Jay goes to Dante for dating advice, Randal admits to something, and Lizzie's best friend from the city shows up...and she's some one we know...well, know _of _at least!**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing at all.**

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**Chapter 3: Advice, admission and Amy  
**

Later that night, when Jay and Silent Bob were heading home, they stopped into the Quick Stop to get some rolling papers and a pack of cigarettes. And, also as usual Dante was getting things cleaned up before closing the store.

"Hey Dante," Jay said quietly, "Can I aks you somfin?"

"That depends on what it is." Dante shrugged as he rang up their purchase.

"You have a girlfriend right?" He said sheepishly. "That Caitlin chick?'

"Yeah." Dante responded. This was strange, Jay actually striking up conversation, not just calling him a faggot and trying to steal snack cakes.

"And yous guys go on dates and shit?"

"Occasionally," Dante snorted. "Why the sudden interest?"

"I got a girlfriend now." Jay said. Although he didn't say it as an explanation, more as a statement of fact than anything else. "And we're gonna go on a date, cept I don't know what to do with her. What do you and your girlfriend do on dates?"

"It depends." Dante said, "Sometimes we go out to dinner and a movie, other times we'll go down to the boardwalk, play some ski ball." He shrugged. "We just hang out together."

"And then you get to fuck after right?" Jay said intently.

"From what I've heard you don't need much help in that department." Suddenly Jay got embarrassed and looked at the ground. "But yes, usually we have sex at the end of the date, although Caitlin used to leave sometimes and have sex with other people."

"Liz wouldn't do that I don't think." Jay said quietly. "Do you, Lunchbox?" Silent Bob shook his head. After their talk this afternoon he was pretty faithful in Lizzie's feelings for Jay. "Anyway, we gotta go. Thanks man, but don't get any ideas! Just because we talked about girl shit doesn't mean we can have sex or anything. Snoogans." Dante just laughed as they walked out. So the stoners were human too it seemed. Soon after they left Randal entered with the money box and the keys to the video store.

"So I was thinking about what you said earlier." Randal said shuffling his feet. "About that girl, you know the one,"

"The one who Jay was having sex with out back?" Dante smiled, he knew what his friend was going to say, and he didn't get to gloat often, so when he did he relished it.

"Yeah, her!" Randal smiled, "Well, I kind of can't stop thinking about her. Do think I stand a chance?"

"Since she's dating Jay," Dante replied, "I would say no."

That night Lizzie sat in her room smiling. Suddenly there was a knock on her door.

"Who is it?" She said, joy still in her voice.

"Lizzie, you have a visitor!" Her grandma said through the door. Lizzie jumped up excited, she was sure it was Jay. She ran over to the door.

"Lizzie!"

"Amy!" She shouted and jumped into her best friend's arms.

"Amy's mother thought it would be good for the two of you to have a sleep over tonight." Liz's grandma said. "I'll leave you too alone." The two girl rushed over and plopped onto Liz's bed.

"So tell me Lizzie, why exactly are you glowing?" Amy giggled.

"Oh God, Amy!" Lizzie plopped onto her back. "I am so happy! I met the most amazing guy!"

"A guy?" Amy smiled, "Really? Wow and I assume that this glow is because you too have gotten to know each other? I mean biblically, of course."

"Yes! And it was so great!" Lizzie smiled, "He's amazing! His name is Jay, and he's calling me tonight. We might be going out later."

"Oh sure, yeah, leave your life long best friend behind to go fuck your new boyfriend," Amy said, "that's good. I'm so glad to see Suburban life hasn't changed you!"

"Oh please, he has a best friend too Amy!" Lizzie laughed. "I think you'd really like him. He's super sweet!"

"Lizzie!" Her Grandma's voice echoed up the stairs. "The phone's for you!"

"That's him!" Lizzie squealed. "I'll be right back!" She rushed to the kitchen, took the cordless phone from her Grandma and took it into the bathroom.

"Hey baby." She heard Jay's voice on the other end.

"Hey." She said quietly.

"So would you be up for going to the boardwalk, taking a walk, maybe play some ski ball?" Jay was going to make the best of this night.

"Yeah, I'd like that." Lizzie said, "Um, my friend is here though, do you think Bob would like hanging out with her?"

"Shit, sure, we'll make it a double! Or we could just leave Tubby behind and the three of us will make with the love!" Jay was entirely serious, but Lizzie laughed.

"I think I'll pass on that, for now at least." She said. "What time will you pick me up?"


	5. Under the Boardwalk

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'm very glad people are reading this. To answer a question, all we know about when Bob and Amy met is that it was "a couple of years" before Chasing Amy right? Also that Jay does not have any recollection of said relationship, obviously, he is too into his own relationship with Lizzie to notice it...haha! I can fit my story into the continuity quite well!**

**Summary: Mary Sue and our hero go on a date!**

**Jay takes Lizzie to the Boardwalk. Randal talks to Brodie and TS about his feelings for Lizzie. Dante has Caitlin problems and Bob and Amy start up their own little romance.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...Kevin Smith owns everything. Bruce Springsteen owns the Asbury Park Boardwalk...well, not really, but he might as well since it probably would have been demolished years ago without his support.**

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**Chapter 5: Down by the Sea**

Later that night the four of them, Jay, Lizzie, Silent Bob and Amy, walked down the Asbury Park boardwalk. They had just shared an order of Zeppoles and were headed towards the carousel. Jay and Lizzie were holding hands and Amy and Bob were lagging behind, standing, rather awkwardly.

"So," Amy said, trying to strike up conversation "Do you like talk ever?" Bob nodded.

"Yeah. But mostly I just keep quiet, it's easier, because Jay doesn't shut up." He smiled. "So you're Amy right?"

"We're heading out bitches!" Jay shouted. Lizzie giggled and they ran away. They were headed to the carousel, in hoped of getting one the benches and possibly being a little adventurous, and "making with the love" as Jay put it. They got there and found one and even started making out but as the carousel started going around Jay pulled away and then grasped his stomach.

"What's wrong?" Lizzie said moving closer to him and rubbing his lower back.

"Fucking zeppoles!" Jay mumbled as he leaned over the side and threw up.

Meanwhile, in his own basement, Randal, along with his cousin Brodie were sitting watching movies with Brodie's best friend T.S. He was trying to explain the situation with Lizzie to them. While T.S. at least feigned understanding and sympathy, Brodie did nothing to approximate either.

"Boyfriend, schmoyfriend!" He exclaimed, "If you want her go after her. That's how I got Renee!"

"Yes and that has been working out so well for you two." T.S. said sarcastically.

"At least she doesn't cheat on me all the time!" Brodie said defensively.

"When the man's right he's right!" Randal said. "Gwen is always cheating on you."

"Yeah, maybe Caitlin and Gwen should start a club." Brodie laughed.

"Yeah, a fucked Rick Derris in public club!" Randal laughed along with him

"Regardless, maybe you should just give up on this thing, with this Liz girl." T.S. said, "I mean, if she's really into Jay, maybe that's it."

"Man," Randal said defeatedly, "if I had wanted that kind of attitude I would have stuck with Dante."

"Where is he anyway?" Brodie said, "I mean, it's Empire night. That's his favorite."

"Oh, he and Caitlin got back together." Randal rolled his eyes. "Which means that he's probably off sitting on some bench waiting for her, while she's fucking Dan Whifler in a car."

"Hey, it's Dante right?" Lizzie said, sitting down next to him, as he was sitting on a bench on the boardwalk, waiting for Caitlin.

"Yeah, and you're Liz?" He said, although he knew exactly who she was. "Where's Jay?"

"Oh, he ate too many zeppoles." She laughed. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for my girlfriend." He explained. "Caitlin, she said she'd meet me."

"She meeting you in a few minutes or something?" Lizzie said, looking around and seeing no one.

"Nah, we were supposed to meet about an hour ago." He said his head in his hands.

"I hate to say this, but I think you got stood up." She said supportively.

"Yeah I know." Dante said, "But I've got no where better to be. I mean, my other option is watching Star Wars with Randal and his cousin.

"Randal's cousin?" Lizzie said, "Really? What's he like."

"Randal," Dante said, "without all the direction to his life. Brodie hangs out at the mall."

"And does what?" Lizzie said, trying to get a grasp on it.

"Um, reads comics I think." Dante shook his head, "Look, I'm not feeling too chatty right now, so."

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry!" Lizzie said shaking her head. "I'll see you later. I have to find Amy and Bob anyway!"

It hadn't taken Amy long to warm up to Bob, despite the fact that he was the exact opposite of her latest in a long string of boyfriends. He was a little shy and terribly sweet. When he whispered in her ear, asking her if she wanted to head under the boardwalk, she couldn't resist. He was so shy about it. So simple, so suburban, so perfect.

Bob was instantly attracted to Amy. She was smart, funny and everything that he liked about girls. That night under the boardwalk was great. She wasn't his first. That had been another girl, behind the Quick Stop. But he felt really connected to her, and that felt important enough for now.

Jay and Bob walked Amy and Lizzie back to Lizzie's grandparent's and then both of the guys walked away with incredibly beautiful good night kisses. Dante left the boardwalk horribly depressed. Brodie went home and played Sega all night and TS ended up in Gwen's bed. All in all it was a pretty good night, for every one but Dante.

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**A/N: Yes, this is the boardwalk incident that Jay will later tell Bethany about in Dogma. HAHA! I am SOO good at this continuity thing! Oh, also I apologize for my vague description of the boardwalk...I've only been their once and it was at night, before/after a Springsteen show...my Jersey-ness wouldn't allow me to just make up the geography of such an important location (Asbury is like Mecca to us!)**


	6. Love, or something like it

**Author's Note: Not much to say here, just so glad people like this fic! I really appreciate it!**

**Summary: Mary Sue and friend chat and giggle...also the third party in the triangle gets a little militant.**

**Amy and Liz chat, and we find out a little more about Lizzie's past...although everything is still vague. Also, Randal becomes an obsessive wreck of a man...with little help from Dante.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. I'm thinking of putting a few of Dante's cousins in too, although they are more perifery than Brodie so you know how these things go, it may never happen...**

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**Chapter 6: **

**Love, or something like it...  
**

"So you and Bob got along?" Lizzie asked, as she set Amy up on the air mattress her Grandma had set up for her.

"He's really great." Amy nodded. "He couldn't be more different than Alex. Thank God!"

"Ah yes Alex!" Lizzie laughed, "he was the one who liked to watch while you fucked other guys right?"

"And then fuck those other guys" Amy rolled her eyes, "The three way thing got old fast. I really didn't ever enjoy it."

"Well, I don't think that Bob will be into that." Lizzie said, "those two talk tough but I think they're actually pretty innocent."

"Well, he wasn't acting innocent under the boardwalk tonight!" Amy giggled.

"You two had sex?" Lizzie gasped

"Oh don't be so shocked! I just talked about having three ways," Amy responded. "Yes, we had sex. Just because Jay can't handle fried food, don't be jealous."

"Ok, we were about to do it on a fucking merry go round, just the thought gets me excited." Lizzie smiled, "Seriously, I think the boy's up for anything."

"Bob said you're his first." Amy said quietly, "Be careful. Remember when Zac broke up with you? You don't want to do that to him."

"I wouldn't." Lizzie shook his head. "Amy, I think I love him."

"You've known him for two days!"

"I know," Lizzie whispered, "that's what's so strange."

"Damn Silent Bob!" Jay said as they walked away from the house. "I can't believe I blew that whole thing. Her friend was hot though, did you?" He made a lewd gesture. Silent Bob shrugged and shook his head no. He didn't feel the need to share what he and Amy had with Jay, it had been special, not something he needed validated by any one, least of all his foul mouthed friend. "That's too bad, neither of us got any. I'll meet you tomorrow in front of the stores." Silent Bob nodded and walked away.

When Dante got home Randal was sitting in his room.

"Hey so Brodie said I should go for it." Randal said.

"Why are you here? How'd you get in?" Dante said confused, "And Brodie's an idiot, why would you listen to him?"

"I'm here because I couldn't sleep, your mom let me in," Randal explained, "And my cousin may be an idiot but he has a girlfriend who has yet to cheat on him. Unlike Miss Bree, who, hey where is Caitlin?"

"She never showed." Dante sighed and plopped on his bed. "I just can't figure that girl out. I mean, she wanted to get back together."

"Man, who cares? We've been dealing with your girl problems since you two got together. Can we please talk about mine for a minute?" Randal said.

"It's three in the morning, and you don't have a problem because she's with someone else." Dante explained, "She seemed pretty happy at the Boardwalk tonight."

"She was at the boardwalk?" Randal gasped. "With him? With Jay?"

"That's what she said," Dante shrugged, "She said he got sick. But she asked about you."

"Really?"

"Sort of," Dante was half asleep, "Well, actually I mentioned Brodie and she asked what he was like. And I said he was kind of like you."

"And did she like that? I mean gauge her reaction!" Randal was so worked up it confused Dante.

"I don't know, she laughed." He said, "Look man, I'm fucking tired, I'll see you tomorrow at the store."

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**A/N: Yay! Keep reading, keep reviewing, thanks a bunch!**


	7. Field Trip!

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I was gone so long, my computer was sent away for repairs so it's back now, which means that the fic will get going again too.**

**Summary: Ok, so this chapter is where we'll really set up the triangle...and there's a cute little Bob and Amy scene. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything...oh and three weeks til Clerks II DVD people...YAYS!**

**Chapter 7: Field trip!**

Randal stopped as he was walking to the Quick Stop to get the keys to the video store.

"Uh, hi." He said, seeing Lizzie waiting.

"Hi." She said awkwardly. "Um, do you know where Jay and Bob are? They were supposed to meet me."

"I don't know, they're usually here by now." He shrugged. "Last night my cousin said there was some sort of comic thing at the mall. They might be there who knows." Randal finished.

"Where is the mall?" She asked

"It's uh," He ws about to give her directions for walking when he came up with an idea. "It's really fucking far, I'll drive you."

"You have a car?" Lizzie asked incredulous.

"Of course not! I'll borrow Dante's!" Randal walked into the store. "I need to borrow your car!"

"No." Dante said not even looking over from the freezer where he was taking inventory.

"Please." Randal said, a sense of desperation in his voice. "I'm taking Lizzie to the mall."

"Even if I had my car, which I don't, I wouldn't lend it to you." Dante shook his head. "And Lizzie has a boyfirend, give it up man, you're starting to seem pathetic."

"What do you mean you don't have your car?" Randal said exasperated, "and she can always break up with Jay."

"I don't have my car, I leant it to one of my cousins, he needed it for a college thing." Dante shook his head.

Outside Lizzie stood waiting when an attractive girl in jeans and a tee shirt walked up.

"Who are you?" This girl said, a hint of malice in her voice.

"Oh, um, I'm Lizzie, I'm new. Who are you?"

"Right! I've heard about you from Randal. I'm Caitlin Bree!" She smiled and held out her hand. Lizzie took it and shook it still confused.

"From Randal?" Lizzie said with a smile. "Really?"

"Yeah, he has some kind of crush on you or something." Caitlin shrugged. "Well, it was nice meeting you." She walked into the store. "Hey Randal," she teased, "Just met your girlfriend. She's pretty, I totally don't get why she's with the little stoner."

"Yeah," Randal sighed, "We were just talking about that. Can I borrow your car?"

"Sure, just don't have sex in it or anything." Caitlin said throwing him the keys.

"Ah, only Alyssa gets that privilege when borrowing the car?" Randal teased, referencing Caitlin's best friend.

"Shut up before I change my mind!" She said, laughing as Randal walked out. "Hey, Dante I need to talk to you, I have some strange news."

"Got the keys!" Randal said as rushed past Lizzie. He opened the door to Caitlin's car.

"Great." She smiled as she stepped in. They sped off towards The Eden Prairie Mall. As they drove Lizzie sat looking out the window, she couldn't get what Caitlin has said out of her head. "Randal, um you understand that I'm with Jay right? I mean, you seem cool, and I'fdlike to be friends."

"Yeah," he said, "I know. Jesus, I'm driving you all over the fucking world to find him right? What else are friends for?"

"Ok, great." She said, but she had this feeling that he wasn't telling the whole truth. When they reached the mall they began walking and talking. There was no sign of Jay and Bob, or of Brodie, but they went to the cookie stand and as they sat on a bench eating the conversation finally rose above pop culture debate.

"So where are you from anyway?" Randal asked. "I mean, we know you're new, but where did you come from exactly?"

"Manhattan," she laughed, "I never realized that a mere forty minutes away was this whole other world."

"Why'd you move out here anyway?" He said, confused.

"It's a long story." She sighed.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said. She smiled.

"I really liked being with you." Amy said at the train station with Bob. "Will you come visit me? Or I can come down here."

"I'll come." He smiled, kissing her. "I promise."

"Great, get my number from Lizzie!" The train pulled up. "That's mine." They kissed one more time. She got on the train and they waved to each other.

"Where the fuck is every body!" Jay shouted as he looked around the Quick Stop. Obviously Liz and Randal were at the Mall, Silent Bob was at the train station and less obviously, Dante and Caitlin were sitting under the counter "talking."

"If you're not gonna buy anything leave!" Dante shouted and Caitlin giggled.

"Fuck you!" Jay said walking out. "Jesus," he said leaning against the wall, "I'm ten minutes late and then suddenly every one abandons me." So he stood waiting.

**A/N: What was Caitlin's mysterious news that made her so giggly? Why exactly did Lizzie move in with her grandparents? When will Bob find out about Amy's sordid past? Will Lizzie return Randal's feelings? Will Brodie show up again to dispense more off color wisdom? Coming soon I swear! Again, reveiw, and again I'm fairly open to suggestion (just not the kind given by Shannen Hamilton).**


	8. THE mall, show some respect

**A/N: Ok, so to start, I'm so glad that people are coming back to the fic. And I'm happy to see it enjoyed, always! And again, I listen to my readers so I will try to incorporate some more Clerks Cartoon stuff into the fic...because I do love the Clerks cartoon.**

**Summary: The tragic past...dun dun dun. Yes, every good fanfic reader knows that Mary Sue must have a tragic past, because no one can be completely perfect.**

**Lizzie confesses her secret tragedy to Randal. Also, more Brodie, as requested. Meanwhile Dante and Caitlin work on their relationship and Jay just may get a little jealous of the new friendship.**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing...Kevin still owns everything.

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Chapter 8: _The _mall, show some respect **

Chapter 8: mall, show some respect 

"Before I start I want you to understand that," Lizzie started, not sure why, but was quickly cut off.

"Hey cous!" Brodie came over, laughing. "You decided to come. You must be Lizzie." He said poking his head in between them.

"Yeah." Randal sighed, he was hoping to hear Lizzie's story, get to know her, let her see what a great guy he really was. "Liz, this is my cousin Brodie Bruce."

"Nice to meet you." Brodie smiled and forced himself between them. "So, I've been meaning to ask you, what's the deal with the price jack at RST? Seriously, $2.99 to rent? I could get a laser disc for that at Big Choice."

"Man, take it up with Dante and he'll take it up with the boss." Randal said exasperated. "I just follow orders."

"So what? You're saying title dictates behavior?" Brodie chimed in.

"Brodie! Fuck, leave them alone." A smaller girl with short dark hair and an intense disposition followed after Brodie with shopping bags. "Hi Randal."

"Hi Renee. Renee Mosier, Lizzie Connolly." Randal smiled. He liked Brodie's girlfriend, even though she could be a bitch from time to time. Randal was the only member of their family who had met Renee. Brodie didn't want to alienate the girl by introducing her to any one else, least of Randal's aunt, Brodie's mother, who tended not to like anyone. The two girls smiled at each other. "Look Brodie, have you seen Jay and Silent Bob? That's why we came."

"Nah," Brodie shook his head, "Although Jay said they would probably be coming later."

"Look as much as I hate to encourage your obsessive collector behavior," Renee sighed, "The line's getting pretty fucking long at Comic Toast, and we should get over there."

"Alright, finally you're on board!" Brodie said. "You two coming?"

"We'll pass this time." Randal said, with a half smile to Renee, he was grateful to her

"It was good seeing you, Randal." Renee said. "Nice meeting you Liz."

"Yeah, it was nice meeting you." Brodie said, "By the way my cousin likes your ass." Renee hit him with her shopping bags as they walked away.

"So you were saying?" Randal said, blushing, as Lizzie looked at the floor trying to keep from giggling.

"I'm so happy for you." Dante smiled as Caitlin pulled her pants back on. "Early acceptance to Carnegie-Mellon, it's so great."

"I know it is great." She smiled, "but well, it's three hours away Dante. I mean, that's why I missed our date last night, I had a huge fight with my mom about it. I really want to make us work this time, and if I'm three hours away, well, how will that work?"

"Look Caitlin," Dante smiled, "we'll work that out when we get to it. Don't worry about it right now ok?"

"Ok." She smiled back, "Look, I gotta go. Where's Randal with my car?"

Silent Bob walked up to the stores to see Jay standing against the wall moping. He shook his head and sighed, lighting a cigarette. He had a feeling that this was going to get ugly, based on the pout on his best friends face.

"Well, look who it is!" Jay shouted as Bob walked up next to him. "My supposed fucking best friend! Where the fuck have you been?" Bob went to answer him. "You know what, forget it. Fucking Lizzie isn't here yet either. And I bought her a present. This sucks, let's head to the mall and meet up with Brodie Man." Silent Bob shrugged. He liked the mall, and he was eager to check out the awesome comic swap that was apparently going on right now.

Meanwhile at the mall, Lizzie and Randal had moved on to a table at a restaurant in the mall.

"So what's this place called?" Lizzie said looking around, "it's nice." She glanced over at the table next to them where a good looking guy, slightly older than Randal and Dante was sweet talking a girl who looked about her age. He seemed a little creepy.

"Uh, the Cheese Haus, I know it's not Manhattan, but we think it's nice." Randal said sheepishly. "So you never answered my question. Why did you move out here?"

"Look, Randal, I like you but," she sighed, "I don't really like talking about this. The only person who I've talked to about it is Amy."

"If you don't want to I understand." Randal tried to be understanding, but it wasn't really his strongest suit.

"No, no I want to. Ok, so about six months ago, my parents took me to see a movie. We were walking back to our apartment, and well, oh fuck this is hard, this guy in a ski mask came and he pulled a gun. He, he asked for us to hand over all of our money." Tears started forming in her eyes beautiful blue eyes. "And then well, my dad reached for his wallet, and it spooked the guy and he shot him in the stomach. And then my mom lunged at this guy and he shot her too, right in the heart. And then the son of a bitch shot me, but I moved quickly enough that it just got me in the arm. By the time anyone got there my dad had bled to death. I lived with my dad's younger sister for a while, but she couldn't 'handle' me. Her words, I don't blame her, I had gotten pretty wild. Drugs, sex, whatever it took to make me forget about it. She couldn't take it any more, so here I am, with my grandparents."

"Did they catch the guy?" Randal said, gaping at her. "I mean, they must have right?"

"Yeah," she said, "later that night. I had to go down to the police station later that night and identify his voice. He's in for life now. The jury didn't give him the chair, though I wish they had."

"I know this doesn't do anything." Randal said quietly, "But I'm really sorry that happened to you. You know, I know what it's like to lose a loved one. I had this cousin…"

"This was a good idea lunch box!" Jay said as they wandered around the mall. "Check it out, comics NOOCH!" Suddenly his disposition changed. He looked up and saw Lizzie walking and laughing with Randal. Silent Bob saw the look on his face, and then saw Lizzie, he shook his head, this was what he was afraid of. "Dude, please tell me I'm high and seeing things man. My girlfriend is not fucking with that faggot of a clerk." Jay stepped over.

"Jay!" Lizzie smiled and ran over to him and put her arms around his waste. "I was worried about you! Where have you been?" He just stared at her, "What are you staring at?"

"Why didn't you wait for me?" He said quietly removing her hands, "What happened?"

"I don't know." She said, "I wanted to check out the mall, meet Brodie, whatever. Come on show me around." She smiled and kissed him, "Please?" They walked away and Randal sighed and turned around to see Brodie standing, grinning at him.

"What'd I tell you man, you gotta go for it."

"Shut the fuck up." Randal said angry, "I gotta bring Caitlin back her car. And for the record, I saw Shannon Hamilton scamming on Renee at the food court."

"God I fucking hate that guy!" Brodie shouted and ran off towards the food court.

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**A/N: You'll notice Lizzie tragedy bears a striking resemblance to a certain shadowy super hero. Not that I'm suggesting she's going to start running around New York in a cowel and cape punching out bad guys...although perhaps a spin off? Snoogans! No, I just thought incorporating a comic book tragic past would lend its self to the Askewniverse. Review please!**


	9. Shit meet fan

**A/N Hey guys! I know its been a while, but again college gets in the way of fanfiction. Damn higher education. Anyway, I'm running low on ideas so the next few chapters should be wrapping things up. Oh, and Clerks II is awesome, totally recomend checking it out if you haven't already. Those that have, I may but a child version of Elias somewhere in the ending yay or nay? **

**Summary: The drama explodes in this chapter, with everyone. Also an appearance from some one else, besides Amy oft mentioned but ne'er seen in the askewniverse.**

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, Kevin Smith does. I do own Alex, Amy's ex, who will make an appearance. In my head he's played by Matt Damon, since we've already seen Ben in this story. **

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Chapter 9: Shit meet fan **

Lizzie and Jay were making out on her bed and things were progressing nicely when he pulled away.

"What did you and Randal talk about?" Jay said, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off with her. Liz was confused by this, Jay didn't usually want to talk to her, especially not when they were about to have sex. She pulled away, this line of conversation was making her uncomfortable.

"Just stuff," She said squirming. "Our families, that kind of thing."

"How come we never talk about shit?" Jay said taking out a joint and lighting up.

"We could." Lizzie shrugged, taking a hit. "What do you want to talk about?"

Amy and Bob walked through Central Park holding hands and chatting. Earlier Amy had introduced him to her parents. They had seemed happy to meet him. Bob was euphoric and so was Amy.

"Amy, hey!" An extremely good looking and supremely over confident college aged guy approached them.

"Hi Alex." She sighed. This was not going to be good, she knew that much. "Bob, this is Alex, my ex."

"Nice to meet you." Alex said, cutting off Bob's attempt to say the same. "Doesn't really seem like our type Amy." He said with an obnoxious snort.

"Fuck you!" Amy said.

"Nah, don't feel like it right now." Alex laughed. "See you around. Good luck man." He walked away. Bob and Amy walked in silence for about fifteen minutes.

"What did he mean," Bob finally piped up, breaking the silence, "when he said our type?"

"Nothing, he's an ass hole." Amy said. "Just forget it please?"

"No, come on." He said sitting on a bench. "It seemed weird."

"He's my ex." Amy sighed. "We lived together, last summer, while my parents were in Europe. We used to, well, he liked to," she took a deep breath and shook her head. "Do you know what ménage a trois means?"

Later that night Dante was at a party but he had lost track of Caitlin. He looked around and saw two girls standing by the keg. One was his ex girl friend Julie Dwyer and the other was Caitlin's best friend Alyssa Jones.

"Alyssa!" Dante shouted running over. "Hey, hi Julie, have either of you seen Caitlin?"

"Yeah," Alyssa smiled, "She said she was going upstairs to wait for someone."

"I can only assume that means you." Julie laughed. "That would be number eleven right Dante?"

Dante rushed up the stairs to one of the dark bedrooms.

Randal sat behind the Quick Stop counter, highly discouraged by the day's events. Dante had encouraged him to come to the party after he closed, but he just wasn't feeling like it. He was pretty sure he had lost Lizzie, and he was upset. Maybe she really did love Jay. It seems strange, but it was possible. Suddenly he heard the door of the store open and he looked up. Lizzie was standing right in front of him. Her blue eyes were filled with tears. It was obviously raining and he hadn't even noticed, but her hair and clothes were soaking wet.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"Hi," he whispered back. "What are you doing here?"

"I, I'm not sure." Lizzie shook her head. "Jay and I had a fight, and I, I didn't know where else to go. I don't really have many friends here."

"It's fine, here," he said grabbing his jacket and giving it to her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really" she said, "but I think it's over."

Bob sat on the train home and couldn't believe it. It had told Amy that he would call her the next day but he couldn't wrap his mind around what she told him. He wanted something from her but he couldn't figure out what it was. She was adamant that what had happened had nothing to do with him, but he felt so strange about it.

"Oh yeah Brad just like that!" Caitlin moaned.

"Brad?" Dante said shocked, stopping, "What are you talking about?"

"Dante?" Caitlin said shocked, "What are you? Oh shit."

"Fuck Caitlin what is you problem?" He said gathering his clothes. "Shit, you thought I was Brad Michaels didn't you?"

"Dante wait!" She shouted as he ran out of the room, "Shit!" she mumbled.

Jay walked around in the rain. Why had he pushed? All he wanted was to know more about her. Was that so wrong? He was so confused, maybe she was just using him, it wouldn't be the first time. At least he got sex out of it this time, his last few girlfriends hadn't even given him that much, just taken the free weed he offered them. He noticed that his wanderings had come to the Quick Stop.

Lizzie sat under the counter with Randal leaning back on him. They were just sitting and she really liked it. She had never felt this at ease with a boy, just sitting. As if she needed further confusion in her life.

Randal smiled, this was nice, and he didn't feel like he needed to talk to her, although he liked talking to her. There was something comfortable about the way they related to each other. He liked it, maybe he wasn't out of the game yet.

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**A/N: Well well well...let's see what will happen next.**


	10. It's over

**A/N: Alright this is it, the last chapter. Tanks to everyone who read the story, I hope you enjoyed the ride. Just a warning its a little short and abrupt cuz I suck at endings.**

**Summary: Basically every one breaks up...**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anything...bummer.

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Chapter 10: It's Over**

Jay walked into the Quick Stop and looked around. It seemed empty so he walked over to the shelves and started filling his pockets. He walked over to the counter and leaned over.

"Hey faggot," he said, thinking he was addressing Dante. When he who was actually under the counter his eyes grew wide. "Oh fuck it!" He shouted and ran out.

"Shit!" Lizzie said jumping up and running after him. "Jay? She said quietly.

"If you were going to fucking cheat on me, you could have at least done it with a straight man!" Jay said angrily, but as usual trying to mask his real feelings with homophobic hostility.

"I didn't cheat on you!" Liz shouted back. "Randal and I are friends. I needed to talk to some one and Amy wasn't home when I called."

"Why do you have to talk to him?" Jay shouted back, he was getting really angry.

"He listens to me, he understands things!" She tried to explain.

"I would listen you! You didn't give me a chance. I guess you don't want to. I'll see you around." Lizzie stared crying as Jay shoved his hands into his pockets and walked away. She rushed back inside and flung herself into Randal's arm. Suddenly the clerk felt a pang of guilt. He had wanted to be with her, but he wasn't sure he was comfortable with how it was happening.

"Dante." Caitlin shouted after him as he ran out. "Oh Shit!" She sighed and plopped down on a chair. Alyssa walked over and sat on her lap.

"Trouble in paradise?" Alyssa said, half smiling in her way.

"I think it's actually over this time." Caitlin sighed. "Oh shit, why am I such an idiot?"

"I'm really sorry Caitlin." Alyssa said rubbing her back. "Do you want to go home?"

"Yeah," Caitlin said crying. "I do."

"Thanks Randal," Lizzie said pulling away from him. "I should go home now. My grandparents will worry."

"Yeah," he said. "Will you stop by tomorrow?" Lizzie shook her head.

"No," I don't think I'll be coming here any more. Maybe I'll see you around." She walked out and away. Randal sighed, locked up the store and went home.

The next morning Dante unlocked the Quick Stop and Randal was already waiting for him.

"How was the party?" Randal asked.

"Sucked." Dante sighed. "How was your night?"

"Ok." Randal shrugged. "She broke up with Jay."

"That's good." Dante said.

"Yeah, but she's gone man." He smiled. "Said she wasn't coming back."

"Too bad." Dante shrugged. "She was cute."

"Yeah, it's probably for the best though," Randal said. "She had some issues; I'm not sure how good I would have been at handling that."

Jay and Silent Bob stood outside of the Quick Stop as they usually did.

"You know Silent Bob," Jay said sounding half serious. "A couple of smooth pimps like us don't need fucking girl friends. I'll get plenty of pussy." Silent Bob nodded and agreed, but he couldn't stop wondering if he made the right decision with Amy.

"You're sure about this?" Lizzie's Grandma said packing her things. "I mean, I talked to Amy's mother and she's happy to have you, but you're sure you want to go back to the city?"

"Yeah, Grandma," Lizzie smiled, and hugged her, "Thank you for keeping me, but I belong there not here."

"You didn't like it here?" Grandma asked.

"No I liked it, I met some great people, but I just, I don't know," she tried to come up with a way to explain it. "I guess it never felt like home."

Two hours later she got off a train and saw Amy. The two old friends hugged each other.

"So, you're back now?" Amy asked.

"Yeah." Lizzie smiled, "So will I be seeing Bob around?"

"No," Amy shook her head.

"What, he didn't want to be fucked by your ex boyfriend?" Lizzie joked.

"You know what, fuck you." Amy laughed. "Well, it was nice while it lasted."

"Yeah, I guess it was." Lizzie smiled as she got into a cab.

The End

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**Ok, well that's it. I hope you enjoyed it**


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